Finding Support as a Queer Person During Thanksgiving: Resources and Community


by Amanda Steele

Thanksgiving can be a holiday full of delicious food that often only gets eaten once or twice a year like banana cream and pumpkin pies and all those homemade rolls. The idea of having a holiday where we can enjoy a feast with those we care about is a lovely idea. But, while some queer people have supportive family members, many others don’t. Thanksgiving and other holidays can be stressful or painful for anyone who has strained or broken relationships with their family members.

If you’re a queer person who finds yourself without family support during this time of year, it can be difficult to face. This is often why finding a support group of friends and creating your own family is so important to many in our community. It’s something many of us talk about frequently. Often out of necessity, queer people band together to create strong bonds of support and love with people they aren’t related to. This idea of a found family can be especially needed during Thanksgiving and other family-centered events.

Thanksgiving can be especially difficult for marginalized members of the queer community. Certain members of our community face even more ostracization and bigotry in society, and sometimes among others in the community, sadly.

Transgender people find that they face even more discrimination and violence than cisgender members of the queer community. There are resources out there to offer support and help to transgender individuals.

Here are just a few of the resources available. If you are struggling during this time of year, the trans lifeline is a hotline you can call for help and support.

When talking about Thanksgiving, it’s also important to talk about Indigenous people in the United States, especially Indigenous queer people in our community. Across the country, indigenous queer folx, and nonqueer people too, face increased difficulties and dangers surrounding violence toward indigenous women, youth suicide, education, health, and other issues. The way that Thanksgiving is presented as a positive sort of mythos in the country can be very problematic. While we aren’t saying you can’t enjoy food with your family and friends and be grateful for what you have, it’s important to listen to Indigenous voices and provide support.

Here are a few resources to start learning how you can help:

While the holidays can be a rough time for many of us, you are not alone. Search out specific resources in your community that you can reach out to for help. You can also find national resources. It can be hard to reach out on your own, but often people in your community are already putting together events in your area to help you find community and support.

If you are in a position that you can, one idea to help your fellow queer people out is to host a Friendsgiving dinner of some kind either before, during, or after the actual Thanksgiving Day. And, if you know someone who isn’t welcome or comfortable at their family Thanksgiving dinner, invite them to yours if possible.

It’s vital that those in our community who have support and privilege use their resources to reach out to others in the community who are still struggling or who face more bigotry and oppression. Those of us who have the ability should work to support others and try to do our part to cultivate a spirit of giving, connection, and intersectionality during this time of year.

If you need support during the holidays, you can reach out to these resources:

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Amanda Steele is a queer poet and writer with a degree in Creative Writing and Gender Studies from Utah Valley University. She was born and raised in Idaho and currently lives in New York City. Amanda works as a freelance writer and blogger and has been published in peculiar, The Dandelion Review, and Sun and Sandstone, among others. She loves to mix her love of writing with her passion for activism and fandom. You can follow her on Twitter: @adamantaflame or on her blog here.